Love hurts
by AerisDevlin
Summary: Duo has to let Heero go... not as angsty as it sounds
1. Letting go

Author's Note: I supposed I lied in my profile but i figured if i went through the trouble of creating an account, I might as well use it. This is my first ever fanfiction. I'm not sure what provoked me to write this, but I've had this idea for a while. While I'm an avid 1X2 fan, I heard this song and the idea just popped into my head. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. The songs are by 98 degrees and Evanescence.

As Duo lay in bed, he found that sleep would not come any time soon. Instead he was left contemplating his "relationship" with Heero. During the war they'd often found comfort in one another. Many a night had been spent in each other's arms, but there was always Relena. Even now, though Duo spent much time with Heero, he could never be sure of Heero's feelings. 

Relena was always there as a constant reminder of his insecurities. He knew Heero at least felt obligated to protect her, if there wasn't more. Relena's feelings were quite obvious and never once did Duo doubt that she would always love Heero, but he loved him as well. Unfortunately he could tell they'd been growing apart as of late. 

He knew what was coming, but he wanted to postpone it for as long as possible. The say if you love someone you have to let them go... easier said than done. He truly wanted Heero to be happy, but he honestly wasn't sure if he survive the devastation to his heart.

Eventually Duo fell into a restless and dreamless sleep.

**********************************************************************************

The next morning when Duo awoke, he turned on the radio and headed for the shower. He wasn't really paying attention to it until, as he was dressing, he heard the d.j. say, "This song is dedicated to Duo Maxwel by an anonymous caller. He says he hopes you understand."

Duo slowly sat on the edge of the bed and prepared for the worst. His mind barely registered the lyrics of the song once he recognized it...

We both know that I shouldn't be here  
This is wrong  
And, baby, it's killing me, it's killing you  
Both of us tryin' to be strong  
I've got somewhere else to be  
Promises to keep  
And someone else who loves me  
And trusts me fast asleep  
I've made up my mind  
There is no turning back  
She's been good to me  
And she deserves better than that 

  
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do  
To look you in the eye and tell you I don't love you  
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie  
To show no emotion when you start to cry  
I can't let you see what you mean to me  
'Cause my hands are tied and my heart's not free  
We're not meant to be  
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do  
To turn around and walk away  
Pretending I don't love you 

  
I know that we'll meet again  
Fate has a place and time  
So you can get on with your life  
I've got to be cruel to be kind  
Like Dr. Zhivago  
All my love I'll be sending  
And you will never know  
'Cause there can be no happy ending 

  
Maybe another time, another day  
As much as I want to, I can't stay  
I've made up my mind  
There is no turning back  
She's been good to me  
And she deserves better than that 

The message intended for him was very clear, and Duo understood. He knew that this was inevitable, and it was something that Heero had to do... but that didn't stop the tears from flowing freely down his cheeks. That dildn't stop him from collapsing onto the floor in a sobbing mess. That didn't stop the horrible pain coursing through his body at the realization that he was now alone. The only comfort he had was now gone, and he felt so lost. 

Attempting to be optimistic seemed laughable. He was uncertain how he was supposed to live like this. His cowardice prevented him from taking his own life, but his future seemed very bleak. The next song on the radio did nothing to improve his mood. In fact Duo identified more with this song than he cared to admit. He let the words wash over him as he cried the rest of his tears.

  
i'm so tired of being here  
suppressed by all of my childish fears  
and if you have to leave  
i wish that you would just leave  
because your presence still lingers here  
and it won't leave me alone   
  
these wounds won't seem to heal  
this pain is just too real  
there's just too much that time cannot erase  
  
when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears  
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears  
and i've held your hand through all of these years  
but you still have all of me  
  
you used to captivate me  
by your resonating light  
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind  
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me  
  
these wounds won't seem to heal  
this pain is just too real  
there's just too much that time cannot erase  
  
when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears  
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears  
and i've held your hand through all of these years  
but you still have all of me  
  
i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
and though you're still with me  
i've been alone all along  


Duo threw the radio at the wall and left the apartment. He would just have to manage somehow. It would be a horrible existence of forced smiles and a cheerful mask... It would be like he'd never met Heero at all, and none of this had ever happened. Maybe there was hope for him yet...  



	2. Easing The Pain

Disclaimer: I do not own any gundam wing characters, or the song.

A.N.: Technically this is more like the sequel than the 2nd chapter. um...Enjoy!

Duo sat at the bar finishing off his fifth shot of vodka. He'd been coming here practically nightly after Heero had left him. His outlook on life had been positive for a grand total of ten minutes before reality came crashing back down on him. He'd run out of tears by the end of his first week at this run-down place, and after the second month he'd accomplished nothing but a constant state of broke drunkenness.

The braided ex-pilot sat down his current shot, when he came to a painful conclusion. This was his pitiful life, and it just wasn't worth the pain. Why should he go on living when he had nothing to live for? He threw down some cash and made a hasty exit.

Duo stumbled down the street until he came to a bridge. He stood at the rail for a long time deciding whether or not he should just jump. IN then end he realized he couldn't. It wasn't because he was afraid, although he'd been at first, but he still cared then. Now it was because he figured he'd survive even if he took the plunge, seeing as there was nothing but water below him.

He started as he turned around and kicked a small package. He picked it up and examined it only to find that it wasn't addressed to anybody. Duo let out a sigh of frustration upon opening the package to find a white cassette tape with no labels. An eerie sensation crept over him when he realized it wasn't there when he first came to the bridge. Considering this, he wondered how someone could've escaped his notice so easily.

Seeing as it was getting quite dark outside, and not liking the weird feeling he had, he decided to hightail it to his home. (Or at least as fast as he could with his mind still a little hazy.)

Duo was very anxious to listen to the tape, but he was still a bit wary of it. He wasn't sure he wanted to discover what kinds of secrets might be held on it. Duo hesitantly placed it into his radio and held his breath as music filled the room. At first he was flooded with disappointment until he actually focused on the lyrics...

All I am, all I'll be

Everything in this world

All that I'll ever need

Is in your eyes

Shining at me

When you smile I can feel

All my passion unfolding

Your hand brushes mine

And a thousand sensations

Seduce me 'cause I

I do cherish you

For the rest of my life

You don't have to think twice

I will love you still

From the depths of my soul

It's beyond my control

I've waited so long to say this to you

If you're asking do I love you this much

I do

In my world before you

I lived outside my emotions

Didn't know where I was going

'Til that day I found you

How you opened my life

To a new paradise

In a world torn by change

Still with all my heart

'Til my dying day

I do cherish you

For the rest of my life

You don't have to think twice

I will love you still

From the depths of my soul

It's beyond my control

I've waited so long to say this to you

If you're asking do I love you this much

I do

The message was unclear, but all the same it renewed the horrible ache in his heart.

"He was so close..." Duo whispered brokenly. He couldn't help the few stray tears that escaped his eyes. Duo sniffled and wiped his face when he heard a quiet knock at the door. He wasn't sure if he was annoyed or grateful for the interruption. All thought ceased once Duo opened the door. His legs began to feel unsteady as he gazed upon a face he never expected to see again.

"Heero..."

Confused amethyst met misty cobalt when Duo's legs finally gave up trying to hold his weight. Strong arms caught him before he could hit the ground and held him close. He felt warm breath tickle his hair as the person holding him began to shake gently. The two slid to the floor and Duo carefully wrapped his arms around Heero, returning the embrace.

"I...I don't understand," Duo whimpered.

"I'm so sorry." Heero replied, his voice muffled by Duo's hair, which he'd buried his face in. "I was such a coward. I couldn't even leave you face to face. And now... Relena told me to leave. She told me she'd never seen someone so unhappy and she couldn't stand it. I tried to find you before, but Relena had to end up having you tracked down. The tape was so you wouldn't shut the door in my face. Duo...you'll never know how sorry I am."

Duo tried to take it all in, but all he knew was that the most important thing in his life had returned to him. He began to cry softly and his shoulders trembled. Puzzled, Heero placed a finger beneath Duo's chin and tilted his face up so he could see him.

"Please, what I've done is unforgivable, but... I can't live without you."

Duo only clutched him tighter and sobbed harder. Heero could make out a few words like "love" and "hurts"and could do nothing but hold the weeping boy until he calmed down.

Heero gazed deeply into sparkling amethyst as Duo began to speak.

"I... I love you so much it hurts," he whispered hoarsely. "Never in my wildest dreams did I expect you to come back to me. I just don't want to be in such agony every again. Can...," He paused, "can you promise me you'll never leave me again?"

" I promise," Heero murmured lovingly, "I will never be the cause of such pain again. I never want you to be hurt... I love you."

Duo allowed himself a smile, which was eagerly returned as he, once again, hugged the other boy. They pulled back just enough to look into each other's eyes. Duo slipped his arms around Heero's neck and leaned forward expectantly. Their eyes fluttered closed as lips met in a gently caress that conveyed every ounce of love they held for one another. As the kiss became more passionate, Duo pulled them up and out of the doorway. He closed the door and led Heero to what used to be their bed. Duo asked Heero to hold him and he happily obliged. They fell asleep listening to each other's breathing.


End file.
